Purpose Revisited

Why bigger isn't always better

When’s the last time you changed your mind about a core belief? If nothing comes to mind, you’re in good company. It’s hard as hell.

I’ve been in a years-long process of changing my mind about something at the heart of my work—defining one’s purpose. It’s renewed my empathy for anyone who’s had to rethink something they’ve invested a lot of time and energy to develop.

Identifying your purpose is a foundational step in the Second Rodeo process. I saw Purpose as that North Star, our Guiding Reason For Existence, Taking that a step further, in order to be truly satisfying, that purpose should be something focused on the greater good. You know, changing the world in some significant way.

This “go big or go home” mentality is so baked into the American mindset that, even in our post-career intentions we can feel like slackers if we aren’t shooting for the moon.

I was guilty of that kind of thinking as well, both personally and professionally. When I kicked off Second Rodeo, I believed my clients wanted to pursue something big, something grand, for their encore. That was based on dozens of conversations with high-capacity leaders. It also reflected my personal desire to do something big in my own encore career.

Turns out I was focused on one corner of a much bigger picture. Not everyone feels compelled to change the world, at least not in some high-profile way that leads to the accolades and adoration from the masses.

Some years ago, I was working with the CFO of a big deal corporation who was nearing retirement. This was an early test case for the Second Rodeo process. Super smart. Tri-lingual. Widely respected. He quickly honed in on his values. We sorted through his accumulated skills and experiences. He made a list of possibilities, things like running a global non-profit, setting up a transnational micro-lending program for entrepreneurs in developing countries, etc. Big stuff.

But when we started talking about his passion, everything changed. His passion was rescuing pugs. You know, the little dogs with the smushed up faces? Turns out they have a lot of health problems, especially with their eyes. People will abandon them, euthanize them or leave them at a shelter rather than pay for their health costs. This CFO and his wife didn’t set up a non-profit or start a national registry. What they really loved most was the personal process of helping one pug at a time. They would find one in need, pay for all its medical bills, then foster that dog until it was healthy and whole. “We try to find good homes for them after that,” he said. “But we do keep more than we intended to. They just sort of work their way into your heart, you know?”

I didn’t know, but I liked how the conversation made this stoic introvert light up. “Why pugs?” I asked. He shrugged. “I guess because they need us.” After some heavy silence he added, “And because it makes us feel like we’re doing something that matters.”

What more could you want?

That’s when I knew I wasn’t seeing the whole picture. I’ve been trying to tease out this thread ever since.

I better understand this dichotomy after reading The Purpose Code by Jordan Grument, MD. I loved so many things about this book, but perhaps the most useful was the explanation of BIG P Purpose and little p Purpose.

You can picture those BIG P Purposes—saving the environment, curing cancer, solving world hunger, that sort of thing. While once in a while someone does change the world, too many times this grandiose mental model of purpose just creates a lot of anxiety and frustration. That big ideal is always just beyond reach. Our Hustle Culture tells us this is good. We should always stretch for more. Then a little more.

According to Grument, “the first step to cracking the purpose code is to realize that the purpose that brings meaning and contentment isn’t that kind of purpose at all.”

Research shows it’s the little p Purposes that brings us true meaning and contentment. And here’s the thing.

It doesn’t have to make sense or be significant to anyone else but you. Read that again please.

I’ve put my own twist on some of Grument’s suggestions for finding your little p Purpose. Pay attention to your internal dialogue as you consider these.

1. Focus on personal satisfaction, not your impact on the world. For example, many find fulfillment in a caregiving role. But that may not be your choice. If care-giving leading to frustration, anger and burnout, it’s not a little p Purpose, it’s a harsh reality for this season of life. Finding a source of real personal satisfaction will be a vital asset to get through this season.

2. It’s okay, normal even, to have several small purposes as opposed to one dominant purpose in life. Volunteering at the shelter. Playing in a bluegrass band. Growing heirloom tomatoes. The combination will be as unique as you are. When in doubt, refer to #1 above.

3. Pursuing a purpose isn’t a ‘till death do us part’ commitment. As you grow and change, those things that bring you satisfaction might change as well.

4. Keep your purpose enjoyable and achievable. How do you define it so you can’t fail?

5. Protect your purpose from lofty goals. Ambitious goals tend to escalate a small p Purpose into a Big P. Instead, look for and enjoy incremental change and progress.

In his beautiful book, “Man’s Search for Meaning,” psychiatrist Dr. Viktor Frankl reflected on what he learned from three years in a concentration camp in Nazi Germany. While many around him died of malnutrition or disease, Frankl noted how many people just gave up and died shortly after arriving with no apparent physiological cause. And those who survived until liberation weren’t always the strongest or smartest.

The one thing they all had in common was a reason to live. Something to keep them going. It could be caring for their fellow sufferers. The desire to be reunited with their families. For one woman, it was carrying water to a wild rose bush that grew just outside the fence.

You don’t find your purpose through sheer willpower. It likely won’t appear to you in a vision. You can’t get it on Amazon. You have to…no, you get to create it. As the Spanish poet Machado said, “We make the road by walking.”

I’ll share more insights from The Purpose Code, but that’s enough for today. I’d love to hear how this post stimulated your own thinking about purpose.

Next week, we’ll talk about the arithmetic of finding your little p Purpose.

Finally, a reminder that we’re kicking off the Second Rodeo book club soon and it would be way more fun if you were with us. Our online gatherings via Zoom will be the third Monday of every month at 3pm Mountain, starting on February 24.

Message me ASAP if you want in on this.

That’s it for this week. Take good care of yourself and pay attention to the little things that bring you joy and satisfaction. I’m always here to support.