Shell Silverstein’s classic children’s book, “Where the Sidewalk Ends,” describes that moment when we realize that something has changed.
There is a place where the sidewalk ends
and before the street begins,
and there the grass grows soft and white,
and there the sun burns crimson bright,
and there the moon-bird rests from his flight
to cool in the peppermint wind.
Silverstein was describing the transition from childhood to adulthood. It’s the shift from innocence and imagination to a life characterized by obligations and responsibilities. As they say, “adulting is hard.”
This isn’t the last big shift we’ll experience. Last week we looked at some predictable changes we’ll likely face as we move from our primary career to whatever comes next, aka retirement. Those shifts in our known reality may call for a response—usually a shift in behaviors or habits. But shifts in behaviors must be preceded by a shift in belief (mindset) if we hope to be successful in making those behavioral changes stick.
Learning how to identify when it’s time for a mental shift will come in handy from this point forward. Last week we talked about these specific shifts in mindset:
· From Saving to Spending
· From Career Identity to Personal Identity
· From Quantitative to Qualitative Growth
· From External Validation to Internal Validation
There are two more mindset shifts we will likely face.
From Future Tense to Present Tense
Every time we travel home to Colorado after visiting family in Kansas City, I find myself looking for evidence that we are nearing home. Kansas, at least as viewed from I-70, can seem like the same scene on a video loop. Small towns with grain elevators, corn and soybean fields, the occasional feedlot, maybe a truck stop, then repeat. Even then, I can see the mountains in my mind, though they are not yet visible to my eyes.
Once you cross the state line, eastern Colorado looks an awful lot like Kansas. For more than an hour, the view is the same. Eventually, you think you see something on the horizon. Is it a mountain or just a cloud? You drive another half an hour, and somewhere near Limon you recognize the distinctive shape of Pikes Peak! You turn toward the west and an hour or so later, there you are. You are no longer traveling toward the mountains. You are in the mountains.
For decades many of us have looked to the distant future toward that event or process known as “retirement.” During all those years, we made decisions, some of which are costly in the near term in order to be prepared in the long term. Decisions to prepare us for something we still couldn’t really see. Perhaps when we started that journey, retirement seemed like a distant dream. But with every coming decade it gets closer, until you can actually see and sense it.
Then one day, retirement is no longer in the future. It’s now. It’s no longer out there. It’s right here. Whatever you did or didn’t do, for better or worse, you are now living in that future.
Delayed gratification was useful to motivate you to contribute to that 401(k), but there’s no need to delay feeling gratified any longer. This is what you planned for.
That’s a lot harder to appreciate than it sounds.
From Structure to Freedom
Those first few weeks after retirement often feel like a vacation rather than a permanent shift. After years of having structure to our days and weeks, you’re now released from the grind, from the hamster wheel of always conforming to someone else’s schedule and expectations. It’s time to bask in your freedom!
No need an alarm clock. Take your sweet time in the mornings, maybe do some reading, have another cup of coffee after walking the dog. Work clothes? Please. It’s comfort over style going forward. We start sleeping better. Maybe our body begins to regain its natural circadian rhythms.
What will I do today? Anything I want! Except we aren’t doing much of anything, at least anything that feels “productive.” Boredom might set in. This is actually good for our mental well-being, especially if we’ve been over-stimulated for decades. It’s a powerful catalyst for our creativity, pushing us to discover in earnest what we want to do with our remaining years.
This is an important stage of the transition. Think of it as a honeymoon. It’s the liminal space between “over and next” as Norman Lear used to say. There’s no need to rush through it, but when it no longer feels satisfying it’s time to move on.
If we can imagine a continuum with structure on one end and freedom on the other, I find that most people don’t want to live at either extreme. Many (including me) need to create a bit of structure. If the day is wide open, it’s easy to let it slip through our fingers.
Waking up with a reason to get out of bed sets the stage for a fulfilling day.
Another way of thinking about this shift: most folks I meet want less obligated time and more discretionary time. An afternoon a week committed to volunteering at the shelter might be all the obligation you want. A standing 8am tee time on Thursday may be enough golf. When you engage a hobby full-time if often loses its allure.
I’m still working. I genuinely love my work, but I define work as obligated time. I keep work confined to specific afternoon hours in order to guard my discretionary time. I find my discretionary time also benefits from some structure. Most mornings, I spend a couple of hours writing. Writing has been a part of my work throughout the decades. These days, most of my writing time is spent on projects that are important to me, not on something to pay the bills. I’m done by ten and will then go for a long bike ride or head to the gym.
Like a lot of self-employed people who love what they do, I don’t anticipate a hard stop in the near future. Rather, I think I’ll slowly but consistently shift more time to the discretionary side of the balance sheet.
I’m sending this out at the beginning of the Independence Day long weekend. I hope you and yours enjoy everything about it, the family, the food, the reasons to celebrate. And maybe you can find time to pay attention to those signs that a shift in mindset would be useful.
Think of the examples you’ve had throughout your life of older people who get “stuck” in their thinking, unable or unwilling to change. I think it was Zig Ziglar who first described aging as “the hardening of the attitudes.” An unwillingness to shift our thinking will hinder us in finding the fulfillment and satisfaction we all hope to find in what my brother-in-law calls, “the bonus round.”
I’d love to see your comments.
If you want to process these transitions with someone, reach out here.
Ed , thank you. So well stated and your writing just keeps getting better.
So well stated Ed! Thankyou!