The Arithmetic of Purpose

Mixing it Up for the Next Season

I find it fascinating that the human body completely renews itself on average every 7-10 years. This varies greatly depending in what kinds of cells you’re talking about. Muscle cells take the longest, skin cells have a very short life, and yeah, some nerve and brain cells never replenish. That’s crazy! Physically I’m not the same person I was a decade ago.

The same principle holds true for a lot of areas of life. There have been multiple iterations of me. You as well. Each stage demands or invites certain things from us, but as our stage changes, so do those demands and priorities. I have had many different hobbies in my life, depending on things like the money and time available to devote to them. You may know that I’m a voracious reader. Once I get interested in a theme or author, I’ll often stay with it for a while, then move on when information starts to repeat itself. I’ve done deep dives on everything from neuroscience to Norse mythology. If your curiosity is always dialed to 11 like mine, you know it’s true.

So it’s not surprising that our purpose(s) in life can and likely will change as well.

Last week we talked about purpose, specifically BIG P Purpose and little p Purpose. I shared how much I enjoyed the book, The Purpose Code. If you’ve forgotten or didn’t get to read it, the little p Purpose is where we find meaning and satisfaction in life. If that’s true, then why is it so hard to figure out those little p Purposes?

The author, Jordan Grument, MD has a process he calls “The Climb.” Here’s where the arithmetic of purpose kicks in. Most of us are accustomed to packing as much into a 24 hour days as possible. There’s literally no room for something new. That means we have to do some Subtraction, which isn’t easy. It’s a matter of parsing out what’s good from what’s life-giving.

If you are working full-time, you may still need it (more on that later.) You need to sleep once in a while, fulfill responsibilities to family. The areas for subtraction may be fewer, but finding some bandwidth is usually possible.

Most of us have had to create a financial budget at some point. If you have twenty dollars left until payday, you think pretty carefully about how you want to spend it. Yet our time is an even more precious commodity, and it’s not uncommon for us to squander significant amounts of it on a regular basis.

Working through a time audit would likely accomplish the same thing as a financial audit. First step is to find out where it’s going. Peeling off the unintentional time spends would open up room for adding those things that could actually create more purpose.

This would all for the Addition phase. What activities, priorities, and passion projects can you add in a purposeful way?

Another addition to our lives could be new relationships with people associated with the new ways we invest our time. Research is pretty consistent; meaningful relationships with friends, family, and others are the most reliable predictor of true happiness.

Forging meaningful friendships, especially later in life, is a real challenge for many, including me. Grumet says, “When we intentionally engage in deeply meaningful activities, we find people with the same calling. We bond to those people through shared goals and interests These people become our community.”

That’s different than making people your purpose. Volunteering with refugees once a week could be a little p Purpose. But when you’re a full-time caregiver for young children, that’s a BIG P Purpose. Caring for aging parents is a BIG P Purpose. Sometimes caregiving can be fulfilling, but in time it can become something we do out of obligation or conviction. Important to be sure, but not what we’re talking about here. And yet there are folks who are so tangled in caring for family that they lose hope they will ever able to find joy or satisfaction in anything else.

Another factor in finding the kind of purpose that brings more meaning and satisfaction to your life is to be more mindful of the difference between extrinsic and intrinsic motivation. We can pursue the same interest but with very different intent. I’ll give some examples here, but I’m not necessarily saying one is better than the other. They are just different.

Some people pursued a specific career because of the likelihood of a high income. That’s a pretty powerful extrinsic motivation. And yet many of the wealthy, successful people I work with are now searching for an intrinsic motivation.

Conversely, someone in say, home health care, the service industry, many teachers, etc. stay with their work because of the intrinsic reward they get from serving others, yet they struggle from inadequate extrinsic reward. Rather than exchanging one for the other, perhaps finding the ideal ratio for you at this stage of life is a more worthwhile goal.

I’m pretty sure that some of our readers are already living their best life. But there are others who need a road map or at least a general direction. I hope this helps! Please post a comment and let us know how you’ve found your way to a better life.

Just a reminder, our Zoom Second Rodeo Book Club will be starting February 26. The book is From Age-ing to Sage-ing. I’d love for you to join us, we have room for a few more. Message me with your questions or comments. I hope to meet more of you on Zoom!